Maybe it was my two-day camp-out in a healing garden, with accompanying campfires, music and healing, or maybe it’s the low-dose sustained release morphine, or maybe it’s knowing that the end to chemo is in sight, but I’ve been doing a little bit better. The steroid crash is still no fun, but at least it’s not the uncontrolled sobbing from last time. Some unexpected tears, but that’s the norm for cancer treatment as well. And while my eyelashes still seem to be falling out, my head is covered in stubble – and the idea of getting my hair back, well that makes me very, very happy. Walking around with a small secret smile on my face. Plus someone at the acupuncturist’s office told me I had beautiful skin. Which was a blatant attempt to make this cancer girl feel better, but hey, it worked. I’ll take it!
Category Archives: food
Ok, I think I’ve got the trick with food. If I expect it to taste like what I think it will taste like, I’m going to be sorely disappointed. But if I throw those expectations to the wind, and approach the thing-that-looks-like-a-grapefruit-that-used-to-taste-like-a-grapefruit with the enthusiasm and cautiousness of a small child just learning about taste, then things can be pretty good. So I just had some of what, in my old parallel universe of a life, would have been called grapefruit, and it didn’t taste bad. Rather pleasant actually, fruity, acidic, and slightly metal. But not horrifying. Not actual grapefruit, but the chemo universe version of grapefruit.
A woman trying to explain it to me before chemo said this: “All I wanted to eat were canned peaches, because they were the only thing that still tasted like what I remembered.” At the time I thought that was so odd – how could anything not taste like what it is? – but now I get it. Sayonara good food, I hope we meet again. In fact, let’s make a date – 6 months? Or maybe even 4.
Funny how a day can turn around. I ended up talking to the oncology triage nurse this morning, and lo and behold she told me to come in. An hour later, filled with IV fluids and a new anti-nausea drug (kytril) life was much better. I even ate lunch AND dinner, oh my oh my. And went to work, and all in all it ended up being a good day.
Had my first A/C treatment on Thursday, definitely felt drugged, but the nausea meds work. Knock me out, but they work. So far, so good. I think my mom and I both expected something more dramatic – Friday morning I was fine and at home doing paperwork, and sent mom off to run her errands, and she said “Well, you haven’t exploded yet! So everything must be ok.” Which is how I felt, like something dramatically terrible was supposed to happen and it didn’t. No praying to the toilet even. 😉
She said I went grey a couple of times, and that my cheeks were flushed, but that she could see the life force flowing back in when I woke up from a nap. I was so happy to have her here – there’s nothing like your mom xoxoxo, ya know? Dads are pretty wonderful too, but he’s recovering from a knee operation and a virus, so maybe a different time.
Mom headed home today (day 3 of chemo), and Hallie took over this afternoon, cooked a yummy lamb roast, which I actually ate. Even had seconds. Fancy that, I didn’t expect to have an appetite at all. I’d been told food would taste funny after chemo, but no. It still tastes good!!
Hardest thing is buying comfort food without sugar or corn syrup in it. Oh my. Back to basics we go.
Knock on wood!