Happiness after cancer

I came back from my mini-vacation  with a light step and a clear eye, and happier than I’d been in eons.  And I was happy all week, floating, bouncing happy, until I had to go into “cancer-land” again, for a support group meeting and to meet with the cancer counselor.  Cancer-land makes me G-R-U-M-P-Y.

Being out in the world, leaving cancer-land behind, makes me ecstatic.  Rain in a puddle, blue sky – these things send me over the moon.  Odd, yes, I know, but I think it’s the fact that the world is still here!  Love that.

Even in the mall of all places this weekend – there was poetry by William Stafford in the floor (Pioneer Place) and a touch pad game that brought out the child in the adults who got it.  “It” looked like advertising being projected onto the floor, and the first time that I walked by, I thought, ok, odd, but there’s a movie theatre near by, this is some new-fangled advertising.  Ok.  The 2nd time I walked by, it looked like an ad for a kids movie, with bubbles. And then I realized that the three-year old walking on the “ad” was POPPING the bubbles by stepping on them.  So I stopped to watch, and was utterly entranced.  A guy and his girlfriend stopped as well, and we couldn’t pull ourselves away.  Of course, not wanting to get in the way of the little kids playing, but desperately wanting to play ourselves, sticking feet onto the pad now and then.  Until we just couldn’t stand it and jumped on the pad ourselves.  And the “ads” changed, and the games changed, and overall it was a blast.  Welcome to the new-fangled millenium, right?

So, yay, I know what makes me happy, but, naive me, I think that happiness can spread to fixing all the little things that are broken.

The smarter and more cynical among you will say, hey, I know what’s coming here.

It’s like pushing a blankety-blank rock up hill.
I think that I will be happier if the important things that can be fixed are fixed. Say, like my laptop, my car, the dripping faucet, the torn coat lining, the noisy fridge monster, and my ear.  All simple things, right?  I don’t even want to go into the specifics of each one, but for instance, with the latter, I’m starting my 2nd round of antibiotics for a cold that settled behind my ear while I was in radiation – there’s supposedly infected fluid IN my HEAD, in the mastoid air cells, and the ENT threatened to put in an ear tube.  In the meantime I’ve lost hearing and the pressure in my ear is wrong, and …..aargh….. I won’t go on and on, but let’s just say, fixing things isn’t easy.  Why is that?!

I wish it weren’t getting me down, but it is.  What is the lesson here?  Be thankful for what you’ve got?  The world is more complicated than you think?  Entropy is more powerful than you are?  What the heck?  Current frustration: the laptop charging system is fixed, but now the wireless range is limited to say, 4 feet.  So in the process of getting something fixed, something ELSE got broken.  It’s a chain reaction. Hence the old saying, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.  Because that chain reaction is not a new thing….


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