Having decided that the dishes must be done after many days procrastination (note to self: get dishwasher), I finally unwrapped my new chopping knife from Ikea. The package included a small owner’s pamphlet. After flipping through the directions in 16 different languages (including Suomi, which I had never seen before) I located the English page. And instantly dissolved in mirth, as the directions read: “Knives prefer to be washed by hand.” To which my immediate response was, “Oh they do do they?!” Apparently, in Ikea’s world, inanimate objects have preferences of their own. Who knew?